Selfless vs selfish

There have been times when I have been left wondering about the objective of my existence in this world. This question comes into the mind of every individual that has walked this earth, at some point or the other, in their lives. I am sure that once an individual realizes his/her purpose, it makes the road to life and its destination much easier. And, the destination in each case is happiness and sense of satisfaction, nothing less and nothing more.The one person that often is missing from our list of being good to happens to be ourselves! Most people often spend their lives trying to be a better something for someone. Not for once do they strive to be the best or even better for themselves! Personally, as I have coursed through life, I have been compelled to face the selfishness that resides within me.

To want something for myself, is it not selfish? I always thought that I did everything selflessly and was kind of proud of that knowledge of being so! But, is it really a selfless life I have been living? I think harder and realize that everything that I did or am doing is to give myself a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. I have gained a lot in that way, feeling above it all and this, tended to the demands of my super conscience! So, in short, I have been selfish. Then, why leave myself out of my little ‘plan’?! It won’t make me any more selfish if I served myself and my own needs a little bit more! Would it? And, if including myself in that long list of people does good and gives me the kind of happiness I want, then, why not??

After all the thinking and brooding, I have come to conclude that one has to start with oneself and one’s own individual needs before going on to others. To think that by doing so one is being selfish is utter non sense because as discussed, is not every act of ours, however selfless it might seem, stem from the self? Ultimately, it all comes down to that and we all are self serving, at different levels of conscience. We are all serving either our ‘Id’, or, our ‘ego’ or, those like me who walk with that false sense of accomplishment of being selfless, are still serving and nurturing something deep within ourselves which happens to be our ‘super ego’.

My objective in life and my theme is to make this world a bit better, a bit easier to live in, for people who pass along. And, I choose to include myself in my agenda as well, and will see how it goes. I have at last convinced myself and will continue on the path I have been taking with a small detour and hope that it will lead me to my destination…

The choice

I have been led to believe that the more aware you become of the surroundings, of others, of self and of life in general, the more likely it is that you will suffer from melancholy for most part of your life. It has been my experience that with time and maturity and better understanding of the universe, I have been compelled to encounter the darker terrains of the so called world and society we live in. I am not implying that the darker you see, the wiser you get. But, human mind is such that it perceives the negativity of things more strongly and rather holds on to it for future references, to either avoid or be cautious to prevent further sorrow and pain by experiencing it again and again. The same isn't true with the positive aspects in life. We inherently seem to take anything positive and joyful to be the natural order of things and thus, take them for granted, as our fundamental rights. In short, ignorance seems to be a blessing and knowledge a curse!!

But is it?? I wonder!

We often come across instances which are indicative of how feeling and understanding the deeper aspects of life, makes one more vulnerable to the darker forces of the human mind. Whether we call it depression or melancholy or simply sadness, it all boils down to one and the same thing. Are not the artists, the creative people and the philosophers more prone to the above said? Many of them have been driven to deep sorrow to the point of fatal insanity in their quest for knowledge. They all have one thing in common. They all are seeking perfection in their respective pursuits. They are trying to attain the absolute. But, then, are not the yogis, the monks and such, also, traveling the road of life in quest of knowledge, wisdom and the absolute? But, they seem to have found happiness and bliss in their pursuit. Wisdom has brought them joy and contentment. So, seemingly, both the groups are having similar quests, but, quite contradictory results.

The difference lies in their ultimate goals. One is trying to compete with the universe while the other is surrendering to it. One is trying to be the absolute while the other is trying to be one with the absolute. One is trying to attain perfection while the other accommodates in the perfection that surrounds them. One is giving in to the sensual pleasures while the other is abstaining from it, rather watching and imbibing it all from a distance. One is letting go of all its senses and giving in to temptations that go hand in hand with the knowledge of being, while the other is practicing restraint with respect to actions of body, speech and mind. One is embracing the universe so much so that it gets too close for their own good, while the other is embracing it nonetheless, but with a kind of detachment that shields them from the hazards of proximity. They all come to the same truths, but, perceive and assimilate it in a different way. One leads to doubt while the other leads to enlightenment and oneness with the absolute. One leads to chaos and the other, peace of mind. One leads to sorrow, the other leads to pure bliss.

So, the choice is ours. We have to train our minds and make a conscious effort. And, with time, it will come naturally to us. Thus, we will have lived, rather than just breathed life. Instead of every day being a struggle, each day will be a celebration- a celebration of life…

Change

I believe that 'change' is what makes the world go round...we are constantly changing in every aspect of our being. Be it physical, mental or spiritual, we are on the go! To think that what and who we are and how we perceive things at the present moment, is the absolute and unshakable truth, is one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves...This is where ignorance and arrogance play their part...They prevent us from growing, by not letting us acknowledge the change that is happening all around and within us...and until and unless we welcome these changes into our lives and unless we open the windows to our soul to these changes, we cannot grow and be what we are supposed to be...we tend to bury our real selves under the dirt of our ignorance and sometimes, arrogance...This leads to the stagnation of our spiritual being (the only thing we have come into this life form for)...Thus, we lose the real objective of our existence and let ourselves stray into the mundane...we stop growing.
The one thing that can awaken the within, is the awareness of life itself...If only we sharpen our perceptions to what life has to offer, things would have been different....Personally, Life has been my biggest teacher...my friend, philosopher, guide...Life experiences have made me into what I am today and what I will be tomorrow...for, I, am subject to change.. for, change is the essence of life....