A friend asked me a few days ago-“Do you think we will ever find that one person who makes it complete?” That got me thinking. It sure sounds a bit of a cliché question and probably the most often asked one by people seeking love all over. I can understand where they all are coming from. But, I guess, they fail to understand that it is a sheer waste of time waiting for someone to make them and their existence complete!
We merely fool ourselves into believing that we need someone to give us that sense of being complete. The sense of being whole comes from within. It’s been said by wise men and sages over thousands of years how one can find God within oneself. God resides in you and you just have to reach out into the innermost recesses of your being and there he is waiting to be found! So by that standard, if we can find the absolute in ourselves (and, what can be more complete than that?), then why can’t we find completeness within ourselves? If you can seek God in your self, then, why go seeking the sense of being complete outside in someone else? Reach out to yourself and you will find it! Nothing and no body can do that for us. Seek your true inner self. Therein lays the answer!
To know ourselves is perhaps the greatest endeavor of our life and it takes a lot of soul searching and probing into our psyche. One has to be brutally honest in carrying out this self assessment and that takes a great deal of courage. I am also aware that it is very tough to do so, especially when you are leading a ‘worldly’ existence. That is why, perhaps, we keep groping in the dark with this notion in our head that you need another person, a ‘soul mate’ to make it all seem relevant and complete. In doing so, we save ourselves the trouble of the greatest endeavor of our life time- finding oneself!!
This is exactly the reason why so many of us feel disillusioned in love and life. We begin our journey with another person with preconceived notions and expectations that are practically impossible to fulfill. How is another person going to fill the void, the emptiness that lies within? Is it not too much to ask of another being- asking them to carry out a task which we couldn’t ourselves?! Why burden them with a task which isn’t meant for them? In the process we end up smothering the relationship as well as our self. We are trying to run away all our lives from the self and blaming others for our discrepancies. We want to feel complete, but are we really trying the right way? Are we not straying from the whole point?
The way to go I believe is to reflect honestly and sincerely into what all is missing from our lives which is making us feel empty. It can be any number of things, in fact, many things at the same time. Once you come up with this, assess the possibilities. There are certain things that need just a little more effort on your part. Go on and stretch your limits. If this fails, consider the relevance of it in your life. Is it really what you are seeking and if yes, is it worth the heart ache? If yes again and you have tried everything, consider substituting and/or replacing it. There is an alternative pathway for everything in this universe. The options are there and the choice is ours to make. It’s just a matter of finding what suits us the best, trying every permutation and combination. Experience and experiment- that’s the key to a life well lived! We all are unique with unique abilities, needs and wants. And the universe has immense possibilities and is waiting to offer all that to us. We just have to look around with an open mind. I am sure that, in doing so, each of us will find what is really needed, custom designed for us, to suit our unique selves!
I also believe that the sense of being complete goes hand in hand with the degree of our comfort level with our own self. The closer we come to being whole, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin. Being comfortable with ourselves is the true measurement of how complete we are inside. You will know when you get there. But, the journey is yours to take. No one else can do it for you.
If at all we need someone, it is not for making us complete. We just need somebody to validate ourselves, believe in us and assure us when in doubt. We need another to take their journey along side of ours and thus, have an understanding and perspective of what we are going through as no other! We need someone to watch us grow and become what we are supposed to be. The parents did that for the initial part of our lives and the life partner does it for the rest. Most importantly, we need some one to just be there and love us for what and who we are, expecting little and giving much. And, of course, we are supposed to do the same and help the other with their own unique journey along the way and thus, return the favor!!
